Plugging Along

Well I have made it 84 days.... only 6 more to the BIG 90 days Sober.  Ninety Days is a big deal in the sobriety world it appears.  Not really sure why, my research has dwindled lately as I been feeling pretty strong and the wine witch seldom makes an appearance anymore thank goodness.

I am thinking I have climbed over the PAWS wall again this round.  I can not understand how or why we have to go through the cycle over and over.  The alcohol is out of our system, we have found new routines.  Overall we should basically be enjoying our new freedom and ability to live a normal life. I know our brains are probably still repairing all the damage we inflicted for many years but still.  We are smart people (well now at least since we quit poisoning ourselves), why do we have to cycle the moods and depressions when drinking doesn't seem to be an issue anymore?  But I guess it is what it is and we have to deal with it day by day.

We still haven't gone camping yet. I am pretty disappointed in myself for not conquering that fear yet.  But I will hopefully at the end of the month.  We are unable to for the next couple weekends so I must push myself to then.  I know I will be very disappointed in myself if I don't.  I am not sure what my fear is because I love the peace and quiet.  I know the dogs will have a blast which is all that matters right?  I think I am worried about getting bored.  You may ask how can you be bored when you have the whole country side to explore and do things?  I ask myself that also.  Fingers crossed I will be posting about a wonderful camping trip soon.

Day 51

I am in a rut.  I have no excitement in my life. I guess the "honeymoon" is over already.  The last 3 days I have been blah, even the energy has been lost.  Maybe that is some of the reason I am in a rut, I am not getting anything done like I was.  I feel no accomplishment.

In reading other blogs I am thinking I am cycling in the PAWS.  I had told my DH that this was a possibility and he had said at the time "Not you, you are too head strong not to get it all done at once".  I know he was joking and being supportive, and I was truly hoping he was right but unfortunately he wasn't.

My irritability is through the roof. No one can do any right in my eyes and I feel horrible about that.  I see what I am doing but can't seem to stop it. I have been taking vitamins trying to stay on top of it but I must need more. 

It does not help that I am watching TV shows and it shows how people are sober for years and still struggle every day with it.  Is this it?  Is this what sober life is?  I feel like it is Groundshogs Day.  I want more.  I want excitement and fulfillment.

I will make it through and hopefully I will snap out of it quickly.  If I don't like myself how is anyone going to like me or put up with me.


Heres to tomorrow...!!!